I have to admit I do not live my life with a very long-term perspective. I am not a planner. I’m the kind of person who likes to take one step at a time and hates interview questions like what are my 5-year, 10-year plan, coz I simply do not have one. To many, this is not a very desirable character trait. I know I drive Siang crazy sometimes that I don’t seem to care much about the future. Even though I have an MBA, I suck at planning our investments/retirement because it’s too far off into the unknown future. But maybe it’s this not-so-good character trait that has helped me cope with my illness. It makes me willing to just eat whatever it’s cooked on the table (a Cantonese saying). But of course I can never take credit from God and the powerful prayer of everyone around me.
Now I need to have a 5-year plan -- to be cured of breast cancer. (In medical terms, 5 years of cancer-free is considered cured, recurrence during the 5-year period is called relapse, recurrence after 5 years is well...just recurrence). Even though I don’t tend to think much about the future, the fear of cancer recurrence would surface from time to time, and lately it’s been bugging me more… An acquaintance's teenage daughter is currently having some serious heart problems. The daughter had cancer when she was a toddler and had to go through chemo with Adriamycin, the same drug I’m currently getting. One of the long-term side-effects of adriamycin is heart failure… … I couldn’t help but fear the same. Would I have to have the same open heart surgery in 10 years’ time?? I’m scared.
I know I can do my part by really taking good care of myself and maintaining an extremely healthy lifestyle after I’m done with treatment. The rest would have to leave it up to God. I don’t know what 5-yr/10-yr plan God has for me. All I can do is to remember how He has brought me to this day, to constantly remind myself of His goodness, how He has carried me through all these years, through my surgery and my chemo treatment so far. Only through this can my fear be alleviated and I’m still working on it. This is indeed a faith-stretching experience. I used to always say in Bible study that my faith had never been tested. Now I have the opportunity, in the 10th year of my Christian life.