Survivor: Cancer

Annie rocks.

Siang here. Check out:

http://seattlemarathon.org/2004Results.asp?searchmethod=name&name=teng

Yeah, that's my wife. She kicks butt. The vague sense that she might leave me in the dust when we do Mt Kinabalu (13,455 ft) in January '05 is now pure clarity; she will.

Ms Modest will say it's only the half, etc. I say, just 3 months after a dozen doses of chemo.

The livestrong yellow and sharebeautyspreadhope pink wristbands are cool. I want an Annie wristband. My wife rocks.

Some updates

The portacath is out! The surgery was about a week ago. I felt quite a bit of pain for a few days, but it’s getting much better. The wound is still healing. Please pray that the scar will heal well and there’ll be no infection. AND, please pray that I will never ever need it ever again!

Physically, I’m feeling great --
* Returned to work full-time on August 30.

* Went biking 3 weeks ago, round trip between Lake Forest Park and the wineries in Woodinville, about 18 miles total. I did it without much problem.

* Went on a hike during the Labor Day weekend to Lake Serene, about 7 miles round trip. It was a pretty tough hike for me coz it was fairly steep for the last few miles. The trail was very rocky and had a lot of steep wooden staircase to climb. My legs were super sore and I had to walk funny for 4 days. Really need to ramp up my physical activities if I’m serious about backpacking to Enchantments in mid-October.

I’m contemplating about doing a half marathon on Thanksgiving Sunday. I’ve joined a local support group, Team Survivor Northwest, which organizes group trainings dedicated for women cancer survivors who want to run this race. I know I should be able to walk 13.5 miles, but running is a different story. I could barely finish Greenlake (3 miles) before I was sick. The first group training session will be this evening. Will see what happen.

Hair, eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back at a pretty good pace. :-) I wish my boob would grow back too, but that’s not gonna happen. :-(

Emotionally, still a roller-coaster, but it’s getting much better now that I’m working full-time. I tend to feel down more easily when I’m home alone. When Michele was visiting, she asked me what was the hardest part of the whole process. I said probably chemo. But I want to change my answer. Chemo wasn’t that bad. It was not as tough as I had expected. The hardest part is to get past the pain of losing a breast and the disfigurement. But I thank God for giving me a loving husband who makes me laugh and still thinks that I am beautiful. Without Siang, I think I would be very miserable.

Last Chemo

It was a very rainy day on the last day of chemo. I prepared myself for my last dose of chemo with mixed emotions. On the outside, I wore a bright smile and a bandanna with lots of happy faces that Lavina and Ivy gave me. It was a joyous day. On the inside, I had conflicting emotions. On one hand, I was very glad that it was finally over. On the other hand, I was anxious about the what-if’s. What if the drugs have not done their job? What if cancer cells grow back without chemo? I also thought about how I’m going to resume my ‘normal’ life after chemo because I no longer have an excuse to be pampered any more. I also would have to come face to face with the inconveniences of being one-breasted and bald-headed as I get back to exercises and outdoor activities. Sometimes I feel like nobody except myself can truly understand how much inconveniences and grief this has caused. Somehow I feel that being on chemo gave me the excuse to continue to hide inside the house.

After the nurse was all done, she told me and Siang to wait in the room. Then a group of nurses came in, put a paper crown on me, and blew bubbles all over the place. Then they started singing “It’s all over” to the tune of “Oh My Darling Clementine”:

“It’s all over, it’s all over
No more chemo drugs for you
Say goodbye now, please don’t cry now
‘Cause your chemo is all through
Hit the road, Jack, don’t look back, Mack
Go on out and have some fun
Like we said now, say goodbye now
‘Cause your treatment days are done!”

That was really sweet. They do that for all patients on their last day of chemo. I was very touched and almost cried as they sang. It’s been 3 long months.

After being off chemo for 3 weeks, I know no chemo is much much better. I feel so much more energized. I have also gone back to my step aerobics class last week. It was great.

Siang’s parents have returned to Singapore last Tuesday. I’m so grateful for them being here, helping out so much around the house. I literally did not have to lift a finger to do anything.

Prayer requests:
(1) I was originally scheduled to have my portacath removed tomorrow. But the nurse informed me that my blood counts are a bit low and advised me to wait two more weeks. Please pray that my blood counts will get back to normal soon.

(2) Our house was struck by lightning on my last day of chemo. It really put a damper on everything and is causing a lot of headaches. There are multiple damages to our property. Please pray that things will go smoothly with the insurance company and that we’ll get everything fixed soon.

(3) I’ll be off all drugs for 3 months. The doctor wants to see if I’ll have my period back in order to determine whether I’m still pre-menopausal or post-menopausal. The treatment options are different. Please pray that my ovaries are still able to function normally.

(4) Please pray for complete healing, both physically and emotionally, and pray that I will be strong and have faith, and be disciplined facing the days ahead.

Thanks.

Instead of chemo...

Someone said to me, "Wow, seems that chemos really tough. Someone else mentioned to me that they heard that there's new natural remedies that cure cancer without the pain of chemo..."

It's awfully tempting to believe that all these claims are true. Who knows, some may say. Thought the following might provide an interesting read ... Just happened to pop up in the top news on google news today...

Google News Link 1
Google News Link 2

Got a little break!

Because of the mouth sores on my tongue and gum (one of the many side-effects of Adriamycin), the oncology nurse and doc decided to give me a break from the chemo this week. I was disappointed when I learned that because that would extend my chemo one week further. BUT, the doc said I would not have to make up for it. Yay! :-)

So next Friday will still be my LAST chemo session! Woo Hoo!

I was prescribed some medicine for the mouth sores, and I feel much better now. Thanks to Siang’s mom and dad who had been cooking ‘baby food’ for me, spending time chopping everything to tiny pieces so that I could swallow.

some pics

Ah... chemo. Close to the last treatment now, just mere weeks away.

All those chemo side effects... nausea, low rbc count, etc.. it's very tiring and draining.

(this 5sec pose sure took a lot of energy :) )
Take that, cancer! chemo's takin' out those cancerous cells! ha!

5-year plan

I have to admit I do not live my life with a very long-term perspective. I am not a planner. I’m the kind of person who likes to take one step at a time and hates interview questions like what are my 5-year, 10-year plan, coz I simply do not have one. To many, this is not a very desirable character trait. I know I drive Siang crazy sometimes that I don’t seem to care much about the future. Even though I have an MBA, I suck at planning our investments/retirement because it’s too far off into the unknown future. But maybe it’s this not-so-good character trait that has helped me cope with my illness. It makes me willing to just eat whatever it’s cooked on the table (a Cantonese saying). But of course I can never take credit from God and the powerful prayer of everyone around me.

Now I need to have a 5-year plan -- to be cured of breast cancer. (In medical terms, 5 years of cancer-free is considered cured, recurrence during the 5-year period is called relapse, recurrence after 5 years is well...just recurrence). Even though I don’t tend to think much about the future, the fear of cancer recurrence would surface from time to time, and lately it’s been bugging me more… An acquaintance's teenage daughter is currently having some serious heart problems. The daughter had cancer when she was a toddler and had to go through chemo with Adriamycin, the same drug I’m currently getting. One of the long-term side-effects of adriamycin is heart failure… … I couldn’t help but fear the same. Would I have to have the same open heart surgery in 10 years’ time?? I’m scared.

I know I can do my part by really taking good care of myself and maintaining an extremely healthy lifestyle after I’m done with treatment. The rest would have to leave it up to God. I don’t know what 5-yr/10-yr plan God has for me. All I can do is to remember how He has brought me to this day, to constantly remind myself of His goodness, how He has carried me through all these years, through my surgery and my chemo treatment so far. Only through this can my fear be alleviated and I’m still working on it. This is indeed a faith-stretching experience. I used to always say in Bible study that my faith had never been tested. Now I have the opportunity, in the 10th year of my Christian life.

Sharing from a book

It's boring to share my same old bowel movement and nausea/vomiting problems…. So I’ve decided to share an excerpt from a book I’m currently reading – A Bend in the Road by David Jeremiah, an excerpt I find particularly encouraging, sorry this is long… …:

Gary had been invited to a zoo where a captive giraffe was about to give birth. He said, “The moment we had anticipated was not a disappointment. A calf, a plucky male, hurled forth, falling ten feet and landing on his back. The mother giraffe gives birth to its young standing up, and the distance from the birth canal to the ground is about ten feet. Think of this – ten feet is approx. the height for dunking a basketball, plus about 4 extra inches.

So the calf fell out of its mother ten feet above ground, and landed on its back. It lay there for a few moments, and then it scrambled over to get its legs underneath it so that it could take a look around and check out the world it had just entered. The mother lowered her head to see the baby, then she moved until she was towering directly above the calf. About a minute passed, then came the shocking surprise. The mother giraffe swung her great, long leg outward and booted her baby through the air. The calf sprawled head over heels across the ground, puzzled and protesting. The mother giraffe wants him to get up – and if he doesn’t, she’s going to do it again. Sure enough, the process was repeated again and again. And the struggle to rise was momentous, and as the baby grew tired of trying, the mother would again stimulate its effort with a hearty kick. Amidst the cheers of the animal care staff, the calf stood up for the first time. Wobbly, for sure, but there it stood on its little spindly legs. Then we were struck silent when the mother kicked it off its feet again. Gary’s zoologist friend was the only person present who wasn’t astonished by the mother’s brutal treatment of her newborn calf. “She wants it to remember how it got up,” he explained. “That’s why she knocked it down again.”

To remember how it got up. Doesn’t God nurture us in just the same rough way sometimes? And if we’re ignorant as to His methods and purposes, the actions can seem cold and even cruel. We finally struggled to our feet, and it seems as if we’re kicked again. But our Heavenly Father knows that love must be tough and it must take the long view. God knows the road will bend, and we must be sturdy traveler to stay on our feet. We must not forget how we got to where we are.

One of the reasons for some of the challenges in our lives is that God is toughening us up, preparing us for warfare against forces intent on destroying us. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit to feeling kicked and abused at times, all the while hearing the voice that says, “Get up. Get moving. Get with it! And don’t forget how you got up.”

Our God created the principle of rigorous discipline. I hope that by now you can understand why it’s necessary. I hope you will face your next great disappointment with a new perspective – that the next time things look down, you’ll look up. I hope you’ll gird up your heart, reach for renewed strength, and say “Lord, I’ve been taken by surprise. Life has thrown me a curve, and it’s a hard thing for me to cope with. Even so, I praise Your blessed name. Whatever comes my way, joy or sorrow, I will stubbornly and confidently praise Your name. No matter how circumstances may appear, I will praise Your name. For I know You are wise and loving, and that no mere circumstance can change that. Whether this current road leads to exhilarating peaks or gloomy canyons, I praise You and I thank You. You are my God, You love me enough to train me and remake me, and only You can turn my mourning into dancing.”

--- end of excerpt ---

Wear Yellow

http://www.wearyellow.com

live strong.

Feeling Nauseous

Only 5 more doses of chemo and 31 more self-injections to go. That would be the end of chemotherapy. Hormone therapy would be another 2.5 years, but at least I would have the harder part behind me.

Lately, my nausea and vomiting has becoming more intense. I vomited several times while at work. I also learned a new multi-tasking skill of throwing up and driving at the same time. Thank God for giving me the foresight to always bring a big ziplock bag with me and thank Him for watching over me while I was on the road.

I’m going to apply for leave of absence with reduced work schedule because the drugs are hitting harder on me these days. It would be nice to avoid commuting and to have the option to take more naps during the day. Thank God for a very nice boss who is supportive of my decision.

BTW, bowel movements have improved. Thanks for praying, but keep praying please! :-)
Please also pray that I will have good appetite and maintain my weight. Thank you.

Half Way There

The effect of chemotherapy – fatigue, nausea, mouth sores, loss of appetite, constipation, sleep disturbance, etc. has become more severe over the past two weeks. The most unbearable side effect so far has to be constipation. It’s kinda funny to talk so publicly about my bowel movements… but I’ve never been so constipated in my life that it isn’t funny but miserable… I’ve tried all the things one can think of…the doc prescribed some laxatives for me. I’ve yet to see real signs of relief… …

This past Friday, my red blood cell and hemoglobin counts have gone below the allowable limit. So I got a red blood cell booster shot (Procrit) after chemo. However I don’t seem to feel the effect of the booster yet. I went to my step aerobics class on Saturday, but I wasn’t the usual self. I had to stop in the middle couple times to catch my breath. These past few days, I pretty much just want to lie down and do nothing, and can’t seem to eat anything. This is not good. I can’t lose any more weight…

I know I’m half way there, just 6 more doses, but the road ahead seems like such a steep uphill battle.

Prayer request:
* Faith and trust that God will carry me through the rest of the treatments.
* Energy to complete quarter-end close at work this coming Thurs and Fri.
* Good bowel movements :-).
* Appetite
* God’s protection against other unforeseeable long-term side effects

Thank you.

Sniffles update

oh, I forgot to share, regarding June 11th's prayer request. Annie stopped sniffling and having an itchy throat pretty much after that day!

Historical Moment

The hair loss was getting really annoying... so I invited Jed over this past Wednesday to shave my head. He came with a gym bag with the full gear, like a pro.

I was a tiny bit nervous, but knew that the hair had to go. I feel much better now after the head is shaved, just a bit cold, not used to having no hair. So I wear a hat most of the time when I'm out.

I've always wondered what I would look like if I'm bald....now I know. I look like a little monk. My co-worker says it makes me look kinda tough. If I wear my sunglasses, I think I look like I'm part of an Asian gang. Might get pulled over by the cops.

Two short video clips --

I saved a bundle of my hair as momentos.

Haircut Vid 1 - Wanna Keep This?

I looked like a penguin wearing the trash bag.
Haircut
Vid 2 - The Penguin

sniffles

Prayer request:

Annie has a little sniffling, etc. May her body fight off whatever there is (or better.. that it's nothing :) and that her body reacts positively to the nightly shots to increase white blood cell production.

The inevitable

Well… it’s time…

My hair has started falling off… …

I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. I know the hair will grow back. But as I stood in the shower, pulling chunks and chunks of hair out, it was indeed quite creepy. It isn’t a good feeling at all, though it could be funny if I choose to think about it that way. I’m glad I cut my hair short before chemo started, or else it would be even messier.

For now, hair tends to fall off only when it’s wet. So, I think I still look ‘normal’, just have thinner hair. But I know the time to shave my head is drawing near.

Jed, if you’re reading this, please have your clippers ready. I’ll need your service real soon.

Chemo 3

I had the same nurse, Jane, taking care of me this time. She’s really nice. I like her. Last week, she passed me some Lidocaine sample (topical numbing medicine). She told me to apply it on the skin on top of the portacath and on the area where I would be receiving the Zoladex shot 1.5 hours ahead of time. And it really worked. I hardly feel any pain this time when she accessed the portacath. As for the Zoladex shot, I only felt some stinging sensation when the first numbing needle went in. I still kept my eyes closed though.

The meeting with the nutritionist was very informative. She pointed out that it’s very important for me to have enough calcium intake at this point since the Zoladex shot is putting me into temporary menopause that causes loss of bone mass. She also gave me some good tips on how to maintain a balanced diet when I have no appetite. I lost some weight again. Really need to work on gaining a few pounds. So Vivien and I went for some ice-cream after chemo.

The weekend was pretty quiet. I went for my step aerobics class again Saturday morning. As for the rest of the time, I was taking naps most of the time.

Prayer Requests (other than the ones listed in the blog update on June 3)
• God will protect my body against any long-term side effects caused by all the different drugs I’m currently taking.
• My white/red blood cells and platelets counts have dipped quite a bit. But still within tolerable range to receive chemo. Please pray that God will restore my body and keep me from any potential infections.
• I will have normal appetite and eat enough to keep my weight up and keep healthy.

Round 2 is done, ready for round 3

I tolerated the second dose of adriamycin much better than the first time. I knew when the delayed nausea/vomiting was supposed to start, so I took anti-nausea medicine to preempt it. And it seemed to work. I even went to my step aerobics class the morning after chemo. On Memorial Day, I also took a walk around Greenlake with Sharon and Vivien, and later went to see a movie. Hope every week will be like this.

The self-injection is also getting a bit easier now. I took a brief hiatus from poking myself. Siang gave me the injection for two days. After much encouragement from Siang and friends, I decided to do it myself again. In fact, doing the injection myself actually hurt less than letting other people do it for me.

Last Monday night, Jed and Sharon came over for a ‘poking party’. Sharon got some saline solution from work, so they can all try injecting themselves. So there we go, Jed, Sharon, Siang and I all poked ourselves at the same time. Where do you find weird good friends like that? :-) I doubt if I would be able to do the same for my friends… …

Anyways, I still don’t like the self-injection thing, but I’m getting more comfortable with it. Last night, for the first time, I did it without having to take my eyeglasses off. :-) Tomorrow will be my third dose of chemo, plus I’ll be getting the second shot of Zoladex and meeting with a nutritionist.

Items of thanksgiving:
• Siang’s parents are here to help us take care of different household chores.
• Great husband, family and friends to take good care of me and cheer me up all the time.
• Was able to finish the month-end close at work this week without much trouble.

Prayer requests:
• The nurse will be able to aim properly when accessing the portacath. (She missed it once last week, so I got poked twice)
• The discomfort of having the portacath will go away
• The drug is doing its work and clearing any lingering cancer cells in my body.
• Pray for Siang who started to have a sore throat last night.
• Pray for peace for Siang and parents.
• Pray for God’s love to touch the hearts of my unbelieveing friends and family.

Days after 1st chemo

Day 1 after chemo:

I woke up feeling quite normal on Saturday. Lavina came in the morning to make me some fresh fruit juices. But around lunch time, after I heated up some soup, the nausea feeling started to overpower me. I had to lay down and rest. I puked several times and slept for most of the afternoon and did not have any appetite. At night, Sharon and Jed came. Sharon came to help me with my Neupogen shot (she’s a pharmacist), making sure that I was doing it correctly. It was tough poking myself. Have I mentioned that I’m a big chicken when it comes to needles? It’s going to take me awhile to overcome the fear. I hesitated, but finally did it. I successfully gave myself my first Neupogen shot.

Day 2 after chemo:

No puking, just felt really really tired and sleepy and had absolutely no appetite. Ivy, Esther, Vivien came to make some more fresh fruit juices, helped me wash my hair (I couldn’t shower for 72 hours after the portacath placement), helped us with groceries shopping and prepared a delicious dinner. The food smelled really good, but I just couldn’t seem to eat anything. Later on, Sharon and Jed came again to help me with the self-injection. This time, I was doing it in front of all the girls. I hesitated again, this time, longer than usual. I was sweating and just couldn’t put the needle in. So I put the needle down, took a breather, got angry, took off my glasses and quickly did it. After I poked myself, I felt much better. I went downstairs and chow down a huge asian pear and some chocolates.

Day 3 after chemo:

Today I feel much better and well enough to go to work. Siang drove me though. My appetite also improved and I had a somewhat ‘normal’ dinner, some cold chicken noodle and fried rice. Not my usual portion, but at least I was able to eat.

I still dread about the moment when I have to do self-injection. Logically, this should get easier, but for some reason, it seemed harder and harder each day. The more I think about it, the more I feel sick. I have to do this for 3 months. Please pray that I’ll maintain a good attitude about the self-injection and be brave. Please also pray that the discomfort caused by the portacath will be gone soon. Thanks!

My first dose of chemotherapy

Just as I was starting to feel ‘normal’ and fully recovered from the last surgery, it’s time for another surgery and chemo…

The day started with a shower with the medical soap they provided for patients to use before surgical procedures. It reminded me of the day when I was showering before my mastectomy… …

We arrived Seattle Cancer Care Alliance at 8am, checked in at the lab for blood draw, then headed upstairs for the portacath placement procedure. A very nice nurse, Karen, came to greet us, making us comfortable in the pre-op area and explaining everything very carefully to us. However, the challenge came when it was time for her to prepare me for IV. My veins like to hide and were not cooperating. She poked me twice but couldn’t get in. She then put some heating pads and wrapped my arm with a few warm blankets, hoping my veins will become bigger and more prominent. She solicited help from another nurse, Barry. Barry inspected my arm for a little bit, he looked a bit puzzled and decided to put some more heating pads and warm blankets around my arm. After awhile, he finally felt a good vein and got it!

My surgeon is Dr. Hickman. He looks like he’s in his late 70’s. Everyone told me that he’s REALLY good. He’s done the portacath placement procedure thousands of times, he even invented another medical device called the Hickman. I believe I was in good hands, but couldn’t help but wondering if his hands would be shaking during the surgery coz he looks really old… … He was like a grandfather, very gently and patiently explaining the procedure to us, and taught Siang how to properly access the portacath in case we were to travel to some remote places.

There was no general anesthesia. They called it ‘conscious sedation’ instead. There was music in the operating room, a mixture of Hawaiian and elevator music, I guess that’s part of the conscious sedation. I was asked to lie down in a very awkward position, but after the sedation nurse gave me ‘half a glass of wine’, I fell asleep. I was glad I did. When I woke up, I could tell that it was towards the end of the procedure, and felt some pressure on my chest as they finished up the business. I stayed in the recovery area for about an hour and was asked to head upstairs for my first round of chemotherapy.

Before chemo starts, I was given three different kinds of pills, one was supposed to make me relaxed, the other two was supposed to help with any nausea. As one oncology nurse was pushing the Adriamycin through my portacath, another nurse was teaching me how to do self-injection. I’ll have to inject Neupogen (the white blood cell booster shot) myself every night before I go to bed. The nurse gave me a video to watch and then demonstrated in person by poking herself! Bless her heart! After watching her, it was my turn…. The needle is not that big, but poking myself is not fun at all. I hesitated, but finally did it. I guess the drug that relaxed me helped a little bit…

Afterwards, we went to a Korean restaurant for dinner, but I was so tired that I was literally dozing off at the dinner table… … For the most part, I felt ok, just really sleepy after chemo. I had to turn in early and say goodbye early to mommy who left for Taiwan that night. Thanks to Jed/Sharon/Nat/Viv who came late at night to accompany my mom to the airport.

who says you can't face danger with pink

yeah. might as have fun, be silly and look hilarious if one's trying on hats. cancer be afraid... be very afraid.. here comes the pink headed huntress with the green gun!

Treatment Plan

I’ve returned to work on May 3. It was a bit tiring, mostly from having to get up early again in the morning. I was so used to sleeping in and taking naps during my days off. :-) I’m able to drive myself with not much problem. Yesterday, I also returned to my first step aerobics class since surgery. It was therapeutic to be able to resume my normal exercise.

During these two weeks, Siang and I also struggled with some hard decisions, trying to determine whether we should proceed with chemotherapy or not. Both oncologists we met recommended it. The tricky thing is my prognosis is sort of in the gray area. My lymph node status is negative, tumor margin is clear. I had a mastectomy hence no need for radiation. According to statistics, there’s a 67% chance that I’m already cured.

However, due to the tumor size, my age and the tumor growth rate, both doctors categorized me as high-risk. There is a chance that there’re microscopic cancerous activities going on in the rest of my body that cannot be detected via any medical screening. Also, because my projected life span is much longer than the average breast cancer patient, there’s a higher probability for the cancer to reoccur in the future.

We know for certain that hormone therapy would be beneficial because my tumor is ER/PR receptor positive. Hormone therapy would increase my cure rate from 67% to about 77%. The docs believe that adding chemo on top of hormone therapy would increase the % to about 83%. However, most of the statistics currently available are not that relevant to patients in my age group. The long-term side effects of all the drugs known today might be incomplete b/c most of the patients who took the drugs do not live beyond 25 years after chemo.

It was hard trying to weigh the benefits and risks. Is it worth all the side effects? Would I be cured of breast cancer but left with low quality of life because of all these other potential problems that come with these potent drugs? e.g. leukemia, endometrial cancer, heart damage, infertility, early menopause, the list goes on… But what if there is really microscopic stuff going on and I miss out on the chance to clean everything up?

My geeky husband was trying to calculate probability. I almost wanted to dig out the Excel decision tree model I learned in school to help me decide. :-) But life is never that simple and clear-cut. The only thing we can lean on is for God to guide us through.

We met with the oncologist at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance again this past Thursday. After a few clarifying questions, we felt a bit more comfortable about going forth with chemotherapy. For now we’ve decided to go with the following treatment:

For those of you who are in the medical field --

Chemotherapy (3 months, start on May 21):
12 weeks of dose dense AC + Neupogen
Adriamycin – administered weekly intravenously
Cytoxane – daily orally
Neupogen – injection I give myself everyday except on chemo days

Hormone Therapy (2.5 -5 years):
2.5 years of Zoladex (monthly injection, start 2 weeks prior to chemo)
2 years of Aromatase inhibitor (start after chemo is completed)
maybe 3 more years of Tamoxifen (depending on whether we want to have kids or not)

I have already received my first shot of Zoladex. This is a shot into the fatty tissues in the belly. Its function is to temporarily shut down the ovarian functions and minimize the amount of ER/PR production. Unfortunately I stumbled across a picture of the Zoladex needle a week ago. It is no ordinary needle. When I saw the nurse, the first thing she warned me was this was a very thick needle, but she said I did not have to look at it. She had to find some good fat in my belly for the shot. I’m thankful that I have plenty of good fat in that region for her to choose from. An ab with 6 packs would not do me any good in this case. The nurse gave me a shot of numbing medicine first before poking me with the Zoladex needle. I closed my eyes the whole time. Now there’s a big bruise on my belly. It wasn’t too bad, I think I can take that… but as I imagine I have to do this once a month for 2.5 years…. that’s 30 shots in total. Wait, plus the numbing medicine, that’s 60 shots. Wait, plus the daily Neupogen shot I have to give myself when chemo starts, that’s another 72 shots, a total of 132 shots into my belly. Nice… Hopefully the Neupogen shots would not give me bruises, otherwise, my belly would be very colorful… … I might as well try to create some sort of tattoo for fun.

Prayer Requests:
(1) God will strengthen my body in preparation for chemo. I’ve lost 7 lbs after surgery, I was told to gain some weight before chemo starts, but not too much. :-)
(2) Before I receive my first dose of chemo, I’ll be having another outpatient surgery to implant a catheter under my skin for ease of drug administration and blood draw. Please pray that the surgery will be smooth and successful.
(3) Continue to pray that I’ll regain my arm/shoulder range of motion and restore my strength. I’ll have my first meeting with a physical therapist this Tuesday.
(4) Pray for peace for Siang and all my loved ones.
(5) I’ll be drawn closer and closer to God and experience His grace on a deeper level.

'Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But the Lord said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

Decisions...

Annie's going through decision making on the type of treatment, dosage, which "cocktail", etc to have. We'll probably know by Thursday evening and will keep all posted. Please pray that God's peace and wisdom be in the decisions and choices that'll be made.

Progress Continues

Last Thursday, Mom, Dad, Viv and I took a short hike down to Meadowdale Beach Park by my house, the same place we went for Charis’ baby shower. It was a gorgeous day and it felt great to be out doing some mild exercise. On our way back, I also tried driving a short distance from the beach park parking lot back to our house. I still do not have enough strength on the operated side, so I need to use both hands to release the hand brake and to move to reverse and first gear. Making left turn is a bit hard for me as well…. Probably not a good idea to go on the freeway by myself yet…

This morning, Siang decided that my scar has healed up enough to withstand water. So I finally got to take a shower this morning! Yes, I did not shower for 11 days… …, but thanks to Sharon, Esther, Vivien and Mom, I’ve been receiving salon-style hair wash for the past two weeks, or else I would have gone nuts.

I still do not have full range arm/shoulder motion on the operated side. I’ve been doing some stretching exercises, but probably need to be more disciplined about it. The book recommended that I do them 3 times a day.

Just got a call, Daddy has safely arrived Taipei. He’ll be back to work Monday morning. Mommy will stay here till May 22. Then Siang’s parents will be here. I’m so blessed to have so many people available to take care of me non-stop.

Prayer requests:
* Dad will be able to adjust to the Taipei time zone soon and have enough energy to resume his duties at work.

* My surgical area is numb. Please pray that I’ll gain my full sensation back.

* I’ll be disciplined to do the stretching exercises to restore my arm and shoulder motion.

* I’ve scheduled to see two medical oncologists next week. Pray that the meetings will be fruitful and that we’ll be able to make the best decision regarding my follow-up treatment.

* I said something very inconsiderate that hurt my mom’s feeling today. I feel awful right now, and I have not been a very good witness for God. Pray for wisdom and strength and good temper.

out and about :)

Today, Annie got to go "out", meaning to venture further than short walks around the neighbourhood! Good for her!

We went to Pike Place market and walked around for an hour or so for lunch, and drove to Gelatiamo to have some gelato. That was probably enough of a workout for her :), we came home and she got in bed and conked out. I dearly hope she recovers fast and strong, so her body's tough and strong (not that she isn't already) when chemo starts. (or if. but it seems like it may be likely... hope not... but likely recommended... we'll know next wed)

we got the pathology from the surgery. for the curious, in short:
Sentinal lymph node: no histologic evidence of metastatic carcinoma.
Breast: Infiltrating ductal carcinoma with prominent mucin production, 3.5cm, Nottingham grade II/III (7/9), moderate tubule formation, moderate nuclear pleomorphism, high mitotic activity, ER/PR+ve, Her2neu-ve, p53-ve, intermediate Ki67.

The drainage tube is out!

The appointment with the surgeon’s nurse went well this morning. She peeled off the tegaderm (a transparent, plastic dressing that had been covering my mastectomy wound for the past week.) It was a bit sticky, like removing a huge piece of really old band-aid. It hurt a little. Then she went on to remove the drainage tube. She asked if I wanted to sit up or lie down. I asked which way hurt less? She said it didn’t really matter, choose a position that would make me relax. So I chose to lay down.

I’m ashamed to say that I was much more nervous about the drain removal than about the surgery last week. Sleeping through the surgery was much easier.

I didn’t get any local anesthetics or numbing medicine today. I knew exactly when the nurse was going to pull the stupid plastic tube out and that didn’t really help me relax. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

The nurse asked Siang to hold my hand and I closed my eyes. She said “Ready?” and started to yank it out! Ouch! That was it. It was out. Whew! I’m so thankful that it went so quickly. It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought.

Yucky stuff continued to flow out through the hole on the side of my body after the tube was pulled out. The nurse let it drain for awhile and then put new dressing to cover the hole. Siang said the hole closed up after the tube was removed. The human body created by God is simply amazing.

We regret we didn’t take a before and after picture though.

For some reason, I feel more pain today after the tube is removed. I think I’m going to rest a day or two before doing any stretching exercise.

After we went home, Erick and Vivien were already waiting at our house. After a simple lunch, we spent the afternoon playing mahjong. It was a good low-impact arm exercise for me. :-)

1 week already?!

Can’t believe it’s already been a week since the surgery.

Sorry for not updating the blog earlier. I thought I would have lots of time but I guess I’m fortunate enough to be able to sleep and nap very well and have many good friends to keep me busy and making sure that I would not be bored while resting at home. :-) I’m feeling good and very well taken care of by Siang, Mom& Dad and lots of friends. My house is filled with flowers, cards and fresh fruits. I really feel super special!

I’ll be going back for a follow-up visit with the surgeon’s nurse tomorrow and hopefully to remove the drainage tube that has been sticking out of my body for the past week.

Had a brief phone conversation with the surgeon last Friday. The sentinel node is confirmed negative, margin is fine. However, they see the tumor is primarily invasive ductal carcinoma (original biopsy results indicated that the tumor was mostly ductal carcinoma in situ with invasive components). This means some sort of chemotherapy would probably be recommended. We’ve made an appointment with a medical oncologist on April 28 to discuss the pros and cons of different types of chemotherapy.

Prayer requests:
(1)The scar will continue to heal properly, with no infection and no complication.
(2)I’ll experience little pain when the tube is removed.
(3)My digestive ‘issues’ will be resolved (the pain medication and anesthetics has slowed down my bowel movements) :-)
(4)I’ll be able to restore my arm and shoulder mobility.
(5)Wisdom in determining what the best follow-up treatment plan should be.
(6)Continue to pray for family and friends who have yet to know our Lord, Jesus Christ.

************************************************************

This past week has gone by so quickly. I better write down my thoughts before I forget, though I can honestly say this has been one of the most memorable weeks of my life… this part is mostly a record to remind myself of God’s goodness, I’d like to share this with you all if you’re interested in reading about what happened to me, read at your own leisure….

Surgery Day – April 12:
God has been extremely gracious. His provision is more than what I have asked for… …

He arranged Teresa, a fellow sister-in-Christ, to be my nurse assistant during pre-surgery. She normally goes to a different church. But for some reason, she visited my church on Easter Sunday. So when Pastor Sam asked Siang and I to go up front to be prayed for that Sunday, Teresa was sitting at the back pew, wondering if she would see me at the hospital the next day. And what do you know? God’s plan is perfect. Teresa took care of everything for us during pre-op and made my parents feel very comfortable. The only hiccup was the other nurse couldn’t find my vein the first time when she tried to hook me up to the IV, so now there’s a big bruise on the back of my hand…

The sentinel node mapping was really swift. Though it was quite painful (the numbing medicine didn’t really work and I got poked quite a number of times), I thank God that the tracers filtered through my lymphatic system very quickly and they were able to locate the sentinel node within 15 minutes. I was told that it might take up to 3 hours for some people.

I was the last patient to be operated on that day, so after the sentinel node mapping was completed, I basically just lied in the pre-op area for almost 5 hours waiting for my turn. Normally, only 1 family member/friend is allowed to be with the patient in the pre-op area. But Teresa was kind enough to let lots of people come in and see me. She said I have broken the hospital record. She has never had a patient with so many pre-op visitors before. Thanks to all who dropped by to see me, pray with me, and cheer me on before surgery and thank you Lavina and Ivy for taking the day off from work to be there the whole time! It must be the on-going pre-op party that had made me forget about feeling nervous.

At around 3pm, the surgeon walked in. He took a purple marker and marked on my body where he was going to put the incision. Amazingly, I was quite calm at that point, just felt very ticklish as he drew arrows on me. Then at 3:30pm, two very loud and funny anesthesiologists walked into my pre-op room. They put a ‘shower cap’ on me, measured my blood pressure, asked me if I had any body piercing, asked me when was the last time I had anything to eat/drink, I told them since 10:30pm last night. They then apologized for making me starve and said they wanted to give me some ‘tonic and gin’ as they pushed some liquid stuff through the IV. They then asked my family and friends to take turn to hug me before they wheeled me away. Everything was a big rush. When I got into the other room, I asked them “is this the operating room?” They said “yes”…And that’s the last thing I remember.

When I woke up, I was already in the recovery room. The first thing I said to the nurse next to me was “are my sentinel lymph nodes negative?” The nurse said he didn’t know. After awhile, I asked the nurse again “did they get a clear margin on my tumor?” The nurse then said I should quit asking him b/c he didn’t know anything about the surgery, these were not communicated to him. So I decided to shut up. After awhile, the nurse said, “Annie, you’re too healthy to be in the recovery area, we’ll take you to the regular hospital room now.”

So I was transported to the other side of the hospital. 5 minutes after I settled in the new bed, Siang, Mom & Dad walked in.

My throat was hurting a little bit b/c of the respiratory pipe they put in me during the surgery. So the first thing I ate after surgery was my favorite orange flavored jello to sooth the throat. :-)

Daddy told me when they were in the waiting room, a gentleman we don’t know walked up to him and shared two bible verses with him. This is so cool! God is forever faithful. I know my parents’ heart have been touched by all the love and prayers of all my brothers & sisters in Christ. I know that the seeds sown would not be in vain. It is my sincere prayer and hope that their hearts will continue to be softened and receive the love of Christ.

God granted me another post-op party in the hospital room, I think there were more than 12 people in my room at one time. It was quite fun! I wanted to stay up and watch Miss USA on TV but was too tired, so decided to just sleep.

Thank God that I had the double room all to myself, so Siang could stay in the hospital overnight with me. When I went to relieve myself the first time after surgery, I was astonished by the dark blue pee in the toilet. What happened to me? Then I remember it must be the blue dye they injected during the sentinel node mapping. It was so weird. Siang wanted to take a picture but I flushed it.

….. to be continued …..

update

The last few days have gone by pretty quickly. Annie's resting well and in good spirits. She had a stare down with her "battle scar" for the first time last night in the mirror. It got the better of her for a brief moment, but no-no, the strong gal turned the tables and came out the winner this morning. Oh, wait, that was one of annie's prayer requests on 4/11. hmm. wow. cool. Annie's even taking a walk around the neighbourhood with Jennifer and Vivien as I blog.

Feel free to visit if you'd like to, you're not imposing and Annie enjoys having friends around. She just takes a nap around 3ish to 5ish in the afternoon and turns in 10ish in the evening. To all who've visited (I'm gonna miss someone here.... Esther, Viv, Ling, Tim, Sammi, Sam, Katie, Jennifer, Garth, Joseph, Sharon, Stella, Karen, etc), thanks, your visits infuse such energy into her. And for the flowers, cards, errand running, soup/food, guitar playing, hair washes, stuff, laughter, etc.

Thanksgiving:
1) Annie's drainage tube has flowed alright the past few days.
2) Annie's been feeling well and good
3) God's faithfulness

Prayer requests:
1) She heals quickly and well from the surgery. That the wounds/scar heal up nicely and will not have any infection.
.. hmm.. just realized what I was going to type is the same as 4/11 items 3,4.
3) That the pathology report will be favorable.

Feeling Well

Day 2 after surgery:
Just want to drop a quick note to let everyone know that I'm doing well. I'm thankful that the sentinel lymph nodes are negative. And the tumor seems to have pretty good clear margin. Will know more details when the final pathology report is ready.

I'm experiencing very low pain level, just a bit sore in the right chest and arm area. Siang is a very capable nurse and it feels great to be treated like a queen. :-)

Thanks for all the flowers, cards, warm wishes, delicious soups, and all your love and faithful prayer. I definitely can't go through this without you all.

I'll write more later this week!

We're home

We're home now! Annie just woke up from a nap after coming back from the hospital (the pain meds made her dizzy). We're going to go for a "short" walk around the neighbourhood and then have her late lunch/early dinner. I'll write up and post the happenings from yesterday this evening. Annie's doing well, the drainage tube is not draining much so the prayer request there is that it isn't clogged and fluid wouldn't accumulate in her but flow out the tube instead.

cheers. God is good.

Surgery day...she's strong.

(written day after)

I won't be able to do justice to Annie's sharing of her experience, so I'll just give a quick rundown of the day to give everyone an update. And Annie will probably hop on the computer late this week to update the blog. She's feeling well.

Many have told me how strong Annie is through this. After yesterday... it sure does hit home... actually it did as early as 10am in the morning. Wow, my wife is tough. Annie herself says "that's not the usual me". A testament to the power of Christ, whom we draw on, and the prayers of so many faithful friends and family.

Well, the day started with us praying and God reminded me that morning that "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Rom 8:28). And yes, no doubt, the surgery day ended with such a clear reminder of God's faithfulness.

We got to the hospital around 9am to check in at the surgery pavilion. While we were checking in, an asian lady wearing scrubs came up, said she'd get us settled in for the day. And guess what? God had already put things in motion. Her name is Teresa. She usually goes to Grace ___ church (erm.. can't translate the cantonese, and no one has for me yet... ). Anyways, she happend to be at ECC for Sunday easter service! So she was wondering when the church prayed for us if she'd see us the next day. And there we were! She found Annie a comfortable area, got her blankets, talked about the surgeon, checked our schedules through the day, made sure we were fine, etc...just really made Annie and family feel at ease.

We went over to Nuclear Medicine to get the radiactive tracers injected into Annie's breast so that they could find the sentinel lymph node. They say that for some people, this is easy and it's found in 15 mins and for some, it takes a long time, up to 3 hours. Annie was done in 15 mins. Annie sure was tough. Since I got to keep looking, boy, the doc poked her quite a bunch of times (8) to put all that stuff in her. The funny thing about this part (at least for the geeky part of me), is that the procedure took 15 mins, but the doc and tech assistant had printer problems for 40 mins. The printer wouldn't print (the box connecting the printer to the network was turned off... heh)

It was back to waiting.

(oh, and there was a steady stream of visitors, friends that hung out through the day, brought us lunch, brought us dinner, called, left messages, prayed (wherever you were), cheered annie up after surgery.... the works. Annie felt so loved. I'm so thankful. Thank you...)

It was quite a long wait, but all fine. The surgical nurse came by around 2:45, followed by the surgeon, etc. And the anesthesiologists showed up at 3:30 and they two of them were great. They were funny and that sure made Annie relax. (Other than giving her some "cocktail"). We wished her well and off they went. With an estimated 2.5 hours to completion.

Surgery good news part 1. The nurse called the waiting room an hour later to say that the initial tests of the sentinel lymph node was negative so they wouldn't have to remove all the lymph nodes.

Surgery good news part 2. 5:15 or so and the surgeon (Dr Anderson) appeared. All done! He said things went smoothly and Annie was on her way to the recovery area.

Neat happenings at waiting room. We went over to another waiting area as Annie went to recovery. And while we were there, a gentlemen came up to where Annie's dad sat, knelt beside the chair, asked if dad had a relative in surgery and shared with Annie's dad a piece of paper. He had written 2 versus down (Exodus 23:25 and Psalms 107:20). Since the girls hanging out were doing BSF homework, there was a bible handy, and doubly handy was the presence of one of those chinese-english bible.

And after an hour.. off to the room!

God is good. And the power of His love, and the love of all our friends, who are vessels His love, indescribable.

(..will edit and post more details later...)

This is it, LET'S DO IT!

“This is it. Let’s do it!”... I sound like a contestant on fear factor.

Thank God for giving us such wonderful weather these past few days, the sunshine has definitely helped keeping my spirit up.

Surgery details:
I’ll be checking in at 9am tomorrow at the UW Medical Center – Surgical Pavilion. At 10am, they’ll start injecting some radioactive tracers into my body for sentinel node mapping. The actual operation will begin probably around 1 – 2 hours later depending on how fast the tracers are moving inside my body.

I’ll be staying at the surgery recovery room for about an hour after the operation and then move to 4 South of UWMC for an overnight stay. The plan is to check out of the hospital by noon the next day.

I will have a drain sticking out of my body after the surgery to drain the fluid inside the surgical area. If sentinel node biopsy shows cancerous cells, the doctor will perform an axilliary lymph node dissection, and I would have another drain sticking out from under the armpit as well. Hopefully I’ll only have one drain to deal with. The drain will be removed after one week if everything looks normal.

Items of thanksgiving:
(1) Mom and Dad arrived safely yesterday and to my surprise, they willingly came to our Easter worship service today.
(2) Esther, Ivy, Lavina and Vivien for making me healthy food and fresh fruit juices. I feel so pampered.
(3) God took care of Siang’s agonizing toothache. He actually had a surgery before I did. (He had a root canal 4 days ago.)
(4) The power of God’s love manifested through everyone around me. I feel so overwhelmed with God’s love that I had little time left to worry and to feel scared.

Lesson learned:
Vivien made an appt for me to meet with a pastor she met at the ancient path seminar. His ministry is to pray for healing for others. It was a sweet time meeting this gentle 73-yr-old pastor. I know God has the power to heal, whether in a ‘supernatural’ way or through conventional medical means is totally up to Him. If God wants to, He can heal me just like that and make the tumor disappear. My selfish desire is of course is to avoid surgery and not to lose my breast. But if His perfect plan is for me to go through the operation because He wants to build my character, I will willingly submit. I trust that His plan is the best and that I will go through whatever way that will bring the most glory to Him.

Romans 5:3-5: “… but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Prayer Requests:
(1) Cancer stayed contained and do not spread – that there’ll be a clear margin for the tumor and negative sentinel nodes.
(2) Pray for a smooth, successful operation, for wisdom for all the docs and nurses that will be involved in the surgery and my after surgery care.
(3) Pray for speedy recovery and I'll be able to do some simple exercise to keep my arm and shoulder mobile after surgery.
(4) That I'll be emotionally prepared to get used to my body after the surgery.
(5) God's love will touch the hearts and minds of family and friends who do not yet know Him.

Thank you all!

Update 2

Hello everyone,

I guess I just can't say enough 'thank you' for all your kind words of encouragement and your prayers. I really need all of them at this point.

Surgery date is set - April 12 at the UW Medical Center. I'll be having a mastectomy and a sentinel node biopsy. Surgery will probably be about
2+ hours. Mastectomy is not what I had hoped for, but I promised God I
would be okay with it if it is the case. So now I have to fulfill my promise...

Sentinel node biopsy is the surgical removal and examination of the sentinel node (first node filtering lymph fluid from the tumor site) to see if the node contains cancer cells. If it is negative, it means cancer probably hasn't spread. So the doc will not remove the entire lymph node system under the armpit. If it is positive, they will go ahead and remove the rest in the same surgery. There could be a possibility for false negative sentinel node during the surgery b/c the test they performed in the operating room is a limited one. They will take the lymph node for further testing, if the further testing indicates that the node actually contains cancer cells, I would probably be recommended to get another surgery to remove the rest of the lymph nodes.

After the surgery, the tumor will be taken in for further study. Based on initial testing, the tissues sampled have mixed features. So they can't tell what the best treatment option is until they've examined the entire tumor. Hence, I'll be discussing further treatment plan with oncologists (radiology/chemotherapy/hormone therapy) after the surgery.

I have an appt with a reconstruction surgeon on April 1 to see what reconstruction options I have. I haven't decided at this point if I want to subject myself to another surgery to build a fake boob, but I want to know what options I have. Hey, maybe I'll get a tummy tuck in the deal and insurance will pay for it? :-)

April 7 is my pre-operation mtg with the surgeon, and the anesthesiologist, if necessary, that is if they think I might have any bad reaction to anesthetics. I will have more details regarding the surgery after that day.

I think I've had more doctors' visits in the last few weeks than in the past 20 years of my life combined.

Last Sunday, Simon Poon shared with me 2 lessons he learned:
(1) How to obtain true peace that transcends all understanding?
Answer: Start with a heart of thanksgiving. Phil 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(2) We are already victorous. No matter what the outcome is, we know
we have won because we live in Christ Jesus.

So Here're my thanksgiving items:
(1) Siang and I were very confused after last Friday's meeting b/c of the differing opinions we received from two different doctors. God quickly cleared those confusions on Monday through a second opinion consultation and a follow-up phone call from the first doc I met -- he phoned to tell me that he has to change his recommendation based on info
on the pathology reports. So now there is no more confusion.

(2) I was unable to make the 2nd opinion appt with the doc referred to me by Amy and Jed/Sharon. But I was able to meet with his colleague, a female doctor, instead. I guess God knew that I needed to hear the recommendation from another woman to feel completely 'comfortable' that I need a mastectomy.

(3) From the different test results, this is a low-grade tumor, hence should have good prognosis per various doctors.

(4) Suspicious images on the MRI on the unaffected breast were determined to be ok and considered not malignant based on a complementary ultrasound done last Friday.

(5) Siang's love for me has really been a great source of comfort. The significance of the part of our wedding vows, 'in sickness and in health', has now transcended.

Prayer requests:
(1) Cancer will stay contained and will not spread. I really really want to keep the lymph nodes in my armpit so I can do various sports that I enjoy.

(2) Mom and Dad plans to arrive Seattle on Apr 10. Pray that they'll be able to book the flight they want and have a safe trip here.

(3) I'll be prepared physically, spiritually and emotionally for the surgery, that God will take away my fears and anxiety. I'm a big chicken when it comes to surgical blades and needles..

(4) I'll stay focused at work. It's quarter-end so it's a busy time.
(I'll be working this weekend.)

(5) Wisdom for all the doctors and nurses that will be involved in the surgery and my after surgery care.

(6) Last but not least, continue to pray for family and friends that have yet to know our Lord, Jesus Christ.

THANK YOU ALL.

I beat Ada in terms of length of e-mails. :-)

Thank you and some updates

Hello everyone,

Thank you so very much for all the support and love you've shown me.
Your prayers, phone calls, e-mails, cards, hugs, offer of help, etc. all mean so much to me. It really made me feel very very special. I thank God for His amazing love that is manifested through each and every one of you. Please accept my apology that I haven't been able to return your phone calls or e-mails individually. I plan to start an online blog sometime soon so everyone can view my most up-to-date medical progress. I have been trying to catch up on work after being away for almost a week, and trying to read up on breast cancer info to better prepare myself for the upcoming appointments with doctors.

To say that I have no worries would be a lie. But for the most part, I still feel really calm and peaceful and my spirit is still upbeat. I know I won't be able to feel that way without the troop of prayer warriors from near and far. Please continue to pray for:
* good prognosis - that the cancer has not spread and that they'll be able to conserve breast tissues
* courage to face the different test results
* wisdom for the doctors handling my case
* wisdom for me to make the best decision regarding treatment
* perseverance to endure treatment
* drive to become the person God wants me to be
* God's glory to be manifested through this experience
* Family and friends who have yet to know our Lord Jesus Christ, that they would able to experience God's great love and mercy and accept the great gift of eternal life.

My goal is to be a cancer survivor. I'm envisioning myself joining our small group for our next backpacking pilgrimage to Enchantment in October 2004, but maybe Ernie has to carry half of my pack.:-) (sorry, inside joke among x-group members). I also want to take my wedding gown out of the vacuum pack and try it on on Siang and I's 30th wedding anniversary. :-)

I talked to my doctor yesterday. CT scan looks fine, no obvious signs that the cancer has spread to the chest, abdomen or pelvis area. They do see something that looks like a cyst in my thyroid, but said it's most probably unrelated to the cancer. My blood test also looks ok, with one exception that my bleeding time is just a tiny bit above normal, but nothing alarming at this point. Got an MRI done yesterday, don't know results yet. I'm going to meet with doctors at two different hospitals this week (Wed and Fri). By the end of this week, I should have a pretty good idea of what kind of treatment options I have and make a decision from there.

Thanks again.